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You can’t make this stuff up: things heard in the pileup when the tension bubbles over ...


“Whisky America Niner Foxtrot Whisky Tango” ... (several calls)

“I hear someone with a callsign ending in Tango - err, you’re the only one out here I hear, let’s try to work you.  Give me the call please - again.”

“Whisky America Niner Foxtrot Whisky Tango” ... (several more calls)

“OK all I need is the number: I have Whisky Foxtrot Whisky Tango.  Give me a number.”

“Nine Nine Whisky America Niner Whisky America Niner Foxtrot Whisky Tango
Whisky Alpha Niner Foxtrot Whisky Tango”

“Is it Whisky Delta Two?”

“Negative Negative Whisky America Niner Nine Nine Eight Nine Eight Nine Nine Nine”

“I think sign language would work better than this!  [Laughing]
I’m not getting the call!  I’m sorry mister!”

That’s AA0PO enjoying himself on 20m and
entertaining the waiting pile at W1AW/0


 

“He is working split!!”

Huh?”

“He is listening up!!”

Huh??”

“He is not listening on this frequency!!”

 ”Then why is he transmitting here?”

Heard by David G3WGN, M6O


 

Spoken loudly and deliberately, with a gentle Southern drawl, on the DX frequency:

Dubya bee two [something], if ya listened more carefully you would
in-ev-it-a-bly re-a-lize that he’s op-er-a-tin split

Heard in the 12m pile for T30PY


 

From an overwhelmed KH6 in Field Day:

OK guys, too many callers ...

... QRM QRM QRM ...

OK, guys, just the GOOD operators ...

... QRM QRM QRM ...

OK guys, just the GOOD operators, with BIG signals, call now!

Thanks for that gem Dan W5XZ


The station with Italy in the callsign - call NOW!


From a struggling DX op:

... QRM QRM QRM ...

Please call one at a time ...

... QRM ...  [some were laughing too hard]


From a list-style DX op:

QRZ number three, only number three please ...

... QRM QRM QRM ...

Italy four alpha bravo charlie, you are not a three so I will not acknowledge you.


“Thanks: who am I calling?”

QRM QRM QRM

“It’s VK0KEV, Fred”

QRM QRM

“VK who?”

QRM

“It’s VK0KEV Fred and you’re 5-9 on Macquarie Island”

QRM QRM

“VK something, sorry I’m still missing your call.  I don’t know who you are
but you obviously know me.  Well anyway you are 5-9 and there are
loads of people calling you, over”

“VK0KEV VK0KEV”

[bedlam]


  Here’s another anecdote from the same exotic DX QTH.
OZ8AE on Macquarie Island heard a group of Swedes
on 10/SSB and gave them a call in Danish.
Their response was “Sorry, this is a local group” !

Thanks Stan SM7WT


“UP UP QSY UP!!! [diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle] QSY UP!! UP!!”

Transmitted in RTTY ... right on top of TU2T


“Why are you tuning up on this frequency, you lid?”

Transmitted on TU2T’s frequency ... by a VK2 who had just worked them ...


“Thanks for the QSO.  I won’t hold it as there are lots of people calling you.
You’ve got a great signal!  Enjoy yourself in the pileup.”

Heard in many a SSB pileup, as if nobody realised it was a pileup.  Sheesh.


“PSE STOP STOP THE COOPS” New end of March 2016

Sent in CW over FT5JA by someone with a chicken problem, I guess.


 

Further contributions welcome, MP3 recordings especially.
If something makes you smile in the pileup, email me the details.
A carefully-timed short humourous comment is marginally better than the usual
“UP UP UP UP YOU IDIOT!  WRONG VFO!  HE’S LISTENIN UP ASS!
JEEZUS WHAT AN IDIOT!  GO BACK TO CB! ...”


Advice to pileup kops

Here’s a plea to all you pileup kops and spleet poleece Out There.  You are not the only ones listening to someone making a fool of himself on the DX station’s TX frequency.  Many of us in the pileup can probably hear him too.  Almost all of us choose to ignore the fool, remember that we got it wrong once ourselves, and hope he will soon spot the error of his VFOs (it may take him a moment to notice, so we are patient).  We turn our antennas and use our filters and notches to good effect, and mostly carry on calling the DX when the DX invites further calls (and not before!).  If the fool persists, some may decide to Do Something Positive About It, such as sending him a private TALK message (NOT an ANNOUNCE/ALL or a pseudo-spot!) on the DXcluster network to point out the error of his ways, politely of course.  Those of you who foolishly decide to become pileup kops and start transmitting “UP UP UP!  QSY!” on the DX station’s TX frequency have just become part of the problem, not the solution .  Sending “HE’S LISTENING UP YOU IDIOT” or “SPLEEEEEET!  SPLEEEEEET!” and further QRM breaks the terms of your amateur license, for a start, indicates that YOU are the idiot and no doubt proves the diminutive proportions of your delicate reproductive anatomy.  If the QRMer is a local with a strong signal who doesn’t heed the kops, he probably doesn’t realize everyone is shouting at him: if you really must, turn off your amp and un-split to send him one brief message between the DX overs e.g. “Charlie Tango split”.  If he carries on regardless, go back to the pileup.  DO NOT CARRY ON CALLING HIM as that just encourages other pileup kops and lids to start railing at you for transmitting on top of the DX, and pretty soon WW III breaks out.  DON’T DO IT!   Bite your knuckle.  Shout at the Morse key.  Send the fool an email if you like, telling him he’s busted.  But whatever else you do, DO NOT TRANSMIT AGAIN ON THE DX STATION’S TX FREQUENCY.   You wouldn’t want to see your own call listed on the split police hall of shame, now, would you?

According to famed Roman philosopher Marcus Aurelius, deliberate interference is degrading and goes against nature: “Begin each day by telling yourself: Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness -  all of them due to the offenders' ignorance of what is good or evil.   But for my part I have long perceived the nature of good and its nobility, the nature of evil and its meanness, and also the nature of the culprit himself, who is my brother (not in the physical sense, but as a fellow creature similarly endowed with reason and a share of the divine); therefore none of those things can injure me, for nobody can implicate me in what is degrading.  Neither can I be angry with my brother or fall foul of him; for he and I were born to work together, like a man's two hands, feet, or eyelids, or like the upper and lower rows of his teeth.  To obstruct each other is against Nature's law - and what is irritation or aversion but a form of obstruction?”


To close, here’s something not the least bit funny - someone sending SOS over 8R1AE on 40m.  They sent two SOS messages (I didn’t have the recorder running for the first one), neither time giving any ship’s name or location etc.  I am 99% sure it was just another cretin or drunk deliberately QRMing the DX but it is remotely possible that this was a genuine desperate emergency call for help - a sobering thought.

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